I Know I Mess up All the time

He is a mess but I think its not intentional,
I have seen both side of him,
The extremely good and well collected side,
As well as the broken and lost side.

But he seems to be at the negative edge,
He is only thinking of how many times he has messed up,
And putting it as if he only messes up,
Not allowing himself to also see his good side.

Yes, he knows what to do to correct things,
But its not that easy,
Plus he is not good at opening up when depressed,
He prefer to confine into his beer and few smokes.

I wish I could be able to make him understand,
How speciala and unique he is,
But for now,
I will allow him some time to himself and say a prayer.

I Will Never Be Perfect for you

Everyday if not every minute,
You keep pointing out on what I should change,
Never giving me an opportunirty to be me,
Or at atleast listen to me.

Constant comparing me to her and him,
Will never fix what you think is broken in me,
Cause am not broken,
Am simply me.

Am pushing harder and harder, it’s not working

Have you ever worked on a dream, but nothing seem to work out.
You spend endless hours trying everything that you can think of,
Researching and looking for anything that can help you succeed in it.
But nope, everything gives you a sad defeated face.

Then the defeated voice try to make you feel better,
By telling you that some dreams are never meant to succeed,
That's its okay to fail and forget about such dreams,
But it doesn't last for long because more of you want that dream to come true.

As much as am pushing harder and harder, 
And nothing seems to work,
I still desire for this dream to come true,
So I guess, I will just keep pushing.

Do you “hibernate”?

It reaches a point you just want to be with only yourself,
Only you own company seems fitting and easy,
So you ''vanish'' for sometime,
I guess now that's ''hibernating".

Life can be stressing sometimes, 
And people could be adding to that stress,
Or maybe you need to deal with it on your own,
Or you just need to stay calm and let it be.

Life can also be noisy,
Occupied with all kind of stuff,
24/7 no time to experience calmness,
Perfct time to "hibernate"

How do you do your hibernation?

Some may chose to cut off any communication with the rest of the world during that time,
No phones or group meetings with friends,
They allow themselves to be completely alone.

This includes quiting social media, switching off phones,
Canceling meetings and fun activities,
And ensuring that they are "alone''.

Does it help?

Sure it does.

Once you shut all the noise coming from outside,
You get to listen to the answere coming from within.

You are also able to experience peace and calmness,
See things clearly and able to analyze each decision & action.

You get to appreach your own company and friendship,
Loving yourself to a whole near level.

Thats when your passion manifests itself,
Giving birth to great dreams.

Will she ever get past it?

Mistake is only mistake if repeated, loosely translated from a swahili say. 

How do you forget something or remind yourself to forget?

It even becomes harder if the involved person is someone close to you.

She saw what she was not supposed to see,

Read what was meant for another person,

Despite being made to believe others,

But he doesn't know that.

He thinks business is as usual,

Doing his best to give  a good impression,

Working hard to show a better version of him,

What he thinks she will appreciate.

She sees him as a pretender,

But also thinks maybe he is a nice guy,

Maybe he will change or depart from his other side of himself,

Or maybe he will never change.

So everything he does for her,

She appreciate half-halfheartedly,

Sees it as a lie or a trap,

Hoping he will eventually reveal his 'true' self.

It seems she will never manage to get past it,

She will eventually walk away,

Disappear with no reason or trace,

And hope he will figure it out. 

I don’t hate, I take time to know someone

As I was having a conversation with one of my friends during those lazy weekends. His friend joined us and I unknowingly zoomed out. I slowed down contributing to the talk. And shortly afterwards, I excused myself.

After several months, we were in the same situation. But with a different stranger. The cycle repeated itself. Then he pointed out about it. He had observed me for some time and noticed. I rarely like most people at the first sight or even few days.
That’s when I decided to confirm his observation. Since personally I had not really notice it. Am not very outspoken to strangers face to face. And it was true. I take time to like someone or be free with them.
Sometimes it may come out as if i hate or dislike someone. But that’s not the case. I just take time to get to know someone. Before I can actually get free with them.
I wouldn’t want to say something or joke about something  or even point out about something. Which will be misunderstood or used in a wrong way while referring to that chat.

One time while I was still in campus. We were just chatting about random topics. Then a topic about roles of females in the community came up. To be specific, role of a wife.

The feminism and love for gender equality in me could not allow me stay calm ,as they tried to imply that wives were meant to be in kitchens cooking and taking care of the babies, and their husbands. Some even went ahead to say arranged marriage is the solution to the many broken homes.
Each side of the conversation gave their opinion and what we each thought will work best for a good home. This was not my problem. My problem was aftermath.
Most of the people in that chat started avoiding me and labeling me. Apparently they were all from a community that believes women have no say in the society. So they thought I was disrespectful. They didn’t have to say it on my face, their actions spoke louder.
My problem was not how they treated me or stomached my opinions. But from where they came from. I think they were yet to open up and embrace what I told them. They were brought up believing what they aired during the chat. And were yet to transform and join the rest of the world.
We are told if you go to Rome, you better do as Romans do. Had I considered they came from and their beliefs. I would have presented my argument gently. No one love change or their ego bruised.
That’s where I learnt the importance of patience. I take my sweet time to get free with anyone. Give myself time to learn and try to have an idea on where they come from. And what are their believes.

As much as you may disagree with someone on something, you have to respect each other’s opinion.