I still remember that day when we officially called it quit. And decided to go separate ways. It was very painful on my end and left me devastated.
I spent months asking myself hard questions that I never had answers for. I kept blaming myself for the failure of our relationship. Maybe I was too busy for you, or I did something wrong unknowingly, or I pushed you away with my actions, and the blames were endless.
I spent nights crying and days pretending that everything was okay. That I was strong than you thought. But when I got home and alone. He’ll would break loose. I never allowed anyone see me cry. I had to be strong. That’s what I kept telling myself.
Everything that has a beginning, surely has an end. I got over myself and self-pity/blame. And decided to give my life a meaning. I had a meeting with myself and set records right. Cleaned all the unnecessary stuff and put things into perspective.
I was able to see clearly on the bigger picture. My life was back and more interesting. I even came to realize that I was missing a lot. Life was sweeter once again.
In my where about, got several hits here and there. But I had promised myself not to board that bus yet. I was enjoying single-hood’s bus. And not ready to alight yet. So I ignored all them.
One of them refused to give up. He kept up the spirit for a few months. He endured the harsh treatments. He was determined. He finally got the idea of some of the things that makes me go bananas. And he offered one of them. I had to play hard to get irregardless.
Did so for a few more months. Then I decided to give it a trial. As a friend and nothing more. This was made clear to him from the beginning. And of course he agreed. There was no way he could allow such to kill any hopes he had.
With caution , I scrutinized each part and section of him. I placed him under microscope and still learning more about him. Things have been super awesome.
Where has he been all this time? If we had no call it quits, then I would have missed it? All the lessons and experiences would be missing.
Now I get it.