So the other day I was having a conversation with myself and doing a reality check up at the same time. Its one of those talks you dread having but you have to. It brings those feelings similar to the ones brought when someone tells you that you need to talk. You get nervous and wish you can escape this planet.
There were a lot of questions that needed answers, timelines to check and decisions to make. The talk was not all rosy, I was yet to accomplish somethings and also behind in some plans. Was I serious with myself? I was not able to answer that question.
Relatively I have accomplished half of what I had promised myself but that was not any good at all. Am supposed to accomplish 100% of the promises i make to myself. If I don’t keep my own promises to myself how do i expect to keeps for others. Am not average and should not perform average. I failed myself and didn’t have anyone or anything to blame it on but myself.
The talk had to be postponed after the heated argument with the two me. It seems one of me had no good reason for failing while the other me felt really disappointed. I could not understand how I could let myself down like that. I had to explain why, no way out of it.
How could I make such stupid mistakes and allow external forces ruin my focus? Did I have to really listen to them and give in to their unproductive ways? How could I allow them to just lie to me and do nothing about it? Why did I keep quiet as my plans were being affected by unimportant factors?
After five days, the meeting was called again and this time, the faulty me admitted her faults and was too broken. She was literally crying for mercy and ready for another chance. At first the other me seemed not to feel her pain and still wanted an explanation. Silence had to intervene. So I decided to think about it.
Finally, the two me decided to come to an understanding so as to move on and make things better. Thank you very much Lecrae and Tori Kelly for the beautiful lyrics, it helped me become one again.
“Just fight a little longer my friend
It’s all worth it in the end
But when you got nobody to turn to
Just hold on, and I’ll find you
I’ll find you
I’ll find you
Just hold on, and I’ll find you”
Worry not self, we are a team and i will find you. We will accomplish all our promises and even more because you will never be alone, I will always be there for you. Together we can.
On this New Year I wish that you have a superb January, a dazzling February, a Peaceful March, an anxiety free April, a sensational May, and Joy that keeps going from June to November, and then round off with an upbeat December.